Closed early!

Filed Under goings on | Leave a Comment

Tonight I pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store 2 blocks from my house at 10:00pm exactly only to find that they now close at 10pm exactly. This store used to be open 24 hours or at least as late at 1am. (Curses!)

So then I drove to another one that is 6 blocks away and that one was closed too! (More curses!)

So finally I had to drive to a 3rd store quite a bit further away… m_fall2004_groceries

Sheesh! What a pain when you’re trying to get to bed by 10:45pm. Oh well, I bought lots of groceries and came home and cooked some dinner. 11:13pm and now I’m going to bed so I can get up to teach at 8am.

How can the faithful local grocery store do such a thing to it’s neighbors?

Breaking down the barrier, one brick at a time

Filed Under journal | 1 Comment

hammer2brick heart

Tonight I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine…a guy I don’t know that well, but has turned out be a pretty good friend. He’s not much into small talk (kind of like my brother) and insists that I tell him what’s what. We haven’t spoken for quite awhile because, as I told him, I always felt like he was analyzing me, but what I’ve come to realize is that he forces me to look at myself and my patterns of behavior and admit the truth.

Yes, I have a pattern. It’s a pattern that has begun later in my life. I have not always been this way. Untrusting, detached and all around fearful. With men. There. I said it. I used to give and receive love like it was going out of style. I could flirt and be playful and could choose the perfect moment to flash my ‘come hither’ eyes. I wasn’t afraid of men, of commitment, of intimacy, of romance, of love.

Now there is something that is holding me back and whether or not it is warranted (not, from what I can tell), I can’t seem to just get over it and move on. So instead I’ve built a wall. A very thick, sturdy, brick, ain’t no wolf gonna blow it down, kind of wall.

But, you know?, I think my heart to heart with my friend just took the first brick down off that wall and lay it aside.

It’s funny. I’ve always been a crier. Tears ran from my eyes in bucketfuls, but I’ve cried about 5 times in the last two and half years. Me, a person who sometimes cried 5 times a month. And you know what? I think I was happier when I could cry. I was able to let out the hurt, or fear, or pain, or disappointment. But now, I’m all dried up and I don’t want to be the kind of person who can’t express what she feels openly and honestly. For some reason I see this wall I’ve built and my inability to shed a tear as related somehow.

And just so you know, I was really afraid to start writing about this.

Cat fight?

Filed Under goings on | 3 Comments

For about two weeks now there has been a beautiful black & white, long-haired kitty with a sweet face living behind my apartment building. (S)He was very frightened at first and would run and hide whenever I would go to open my garage, but recently (s)he has become much more bold and friendly.

(S)He comes up to my back porch now and peeks into the little window. And yes, I share Marceau’s food out in the back. And on Saturday (s)he let me pet her.

Tonight (s)he followed Marceau up the front stairs and pushed her (cause I’ve assumed it is a she for now) way into the front door of my apartment. I think she wants to be a part of our little family, but Marceau doesn’t like it very much. He’s very jealous. (hiss!) I wouldn’t mind having another purr face in the apartment, but I must be patient and see if they can eventually become friends.

I think I am going to buy her a warm bed though since it’s starting to get colder at night. Maybe she can live on my back porch…

Porch Kitty 002 Porch Kitty 001

Now we need a name…ideas??
Purrrrrrrr.

I Sit in the Theatre

Filed Under acting | 3 Comments

I sit in the theatre and I feel comfortable. It’s familiar. It’s friendly. It’s home.
I sit in the theatre and I feel cold. My body aches just a little. My heart fills with melancholy lust.
I sit in the theatre and I smile. I shudder. I yearn. I weep without tears.

I sit in the theatre. I walk away from the theatre. I think about the theatre. I return to the theatre.

I cannot leave the theatre vacant. I must sit in the theatre.

When to Let Go

Filed Under journal | 8 Comments

There is something to be said for pushing forward. For persevering. For remaining diligent and dedicated. But isn’t there also something to be said for moving on and humbly letting go?

But then, how do you know that you’re simply letting go and not simply giving up?

keep looking »